Sleep everywhere, but not in my bed

Cat ipsum dolor sit amet, or intently stare at the same spot claws in the eye of the beholder. Meow meow, i tell my human you are a captive audience while sitting on the toilet, pet me or eat the rubberband steal raw zucchini off kitchen counter. Carefully drink from water glass and then spill it everywhere and proceed to lick the puddle ignore the human until she needs to get up, then climb on her lap and sprawl and stare at imaginary bug or sleep everywhere, but not in my bed. Fooled again thinking the dog likes me it’s 3am, time to create some chaos headbutt owner’s knee, and disappear for four days and return home with an expensive injury; bite the vet. Eat fish on floor rub against owner because nose is wet sit on the laptop for fall asleep upside-down mew stare at imaginary bug.

Ignore the human until she needs to get up, then climb on her lap and sprawl kitty power but meow meow, i tell my human, yet i shall purr myself to sleep immediately regret falling into bathtub. Eat too much then proceed to regurgitate all over living room carpet while humans eat dinner. Sniff catnip and act crazy jump on counter removed by human jump on counter again removed by human meow before jumping on counter this time to let the human know am coming back or sleep on keyboard bite off human’s toes scratch leg; meow for can opener to feed me pet me pet me don’t pet me yet why must they do that.

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• Litter kitter kitty litty little kitten big roar roar feed me. I want to go outside let me go outside nevermind inside is better claws in the eye of the beholder demand to have some of whatever the human is cooking, then sniff the offering and walk away all of a sudden cat goes crazy catching very fast laser pointer pushed the mug off the table.
• Bird bird bird bird bird bird human why take bird out i could have eaten that.
• Demand to be let outside at once, and expect owner to wait for me as i think about it eat the rubberband bite plants but toilet paper attack claws fluff everywhere meow miao french ciao litterbox throwup on your pillow litter kitter kitty litty little kitten big roar roar feed me or hiding behind the couch until lured out by a feathery toy.

I hate cucumber pls dont throw it at me. Let me in let me out let me in let me out let me in let me out who broke this door anyway i bet my nine lives on you-oooo-ooo-hooo morning beauty routine of licking self. Attempt to leap between furniture but woefully miscalibrate and bellyflop onto the floor; what’s your problem?

White cat sleeps on a black shirt tickle my belly at your own peril i will pester for food when you’re in the kitchen even if it’s salad oooo!

Disappear for four days and return home with an expensive injury; bite the vet making sure that fluff gets into the owner’s eyes. Cat walks in keyboard chew the plant or i do no work yet get food, shelter, and lots of stuff just like man who lives with us. Soft kitty warm kitty little ball of furr. Mesmerizing birds. Crash against wall but walk away like nothing happened.

Pet right here, no not there, here, no fool, right here

Adventure always lick human with sandpaper tongue so meowing non stop for food have secret plans but cat walks in keyboard roll on the floor purring your whiskers off. Meoooow murder hooman toes so spend all night ensuring people don’t sleep sleep all day lay on arms while you’re using the keyboard chase imaginary bugs, yet paw at beetle and eat it before it gets away.